Welcome back Joshiro!
I am really sorry for your loss and the difficult moments that you are going through. Sometimes it seems that in our worst moments, all the bad things happen to us at the same time.

Not long ago, I had to live through a very difficult time, as you are now, and I received great support from this community when I decided to take some time to feel better.
So take the time you need and don't be afraid to ask for help, there will always be people willing to help you.

I send you a big hug dear friend!